10000bc2008200812738_f10,000 BC is a film that caught the attention of my husband, largely because of a clip he saw which showed the CG mammoths which feature prominently in the movie. We have a thing about mammoths in this household which is difficult to explain but is shared fairly equally by both of us. This is the animal we would like to see brought back if any of that Jurassic Park silliness ever became a possibility; but I digress…

I refused to go and see this in the cinema on the grounds that if I was spending that sort of money I wanted to see something worthwhile. But the DVD was purchased (not by me) during the autumn and when we wanted something undemanding to watch at the end of the holidays this kind of floated to the top.

So there’s this tribe who sit in their valley waiting for the mammoths to arrive so they can hunt them, and there’s a prophecy, and then there are slavers who arrive and take a chunk of the tribe captive, so then there’s a quest, a fight, death and destruction and lots of male bonding, and then a happy ending.

What I loved about the movie = the mammoths; the sabre-toothed tiger (but were they really that large?); the scenes in Ancient Egypt (bordering on camp)

What I didn’t like about the movie = the artfully applied mud, interesting hair and stylish animal skins which allowed the neolithic tribe to look annoyingly trendy; the wacky geography and lack of time-line (so how long did it actually take them to get to Egypt?); the pulling together of historical stuff that in no way happened at the same time; the fact that despite all of this I couldn’t stop watching it….

Rating stuff = 12  as it contains moderate violence and sustained threat, and a total disregard for history that will set your children’s education back by months

Tissue count = only required to deal with tears of laughter

Safety cushion = you are kidding, right?

This was total and utter tosh that has a fascination all of its own. Who knew neolithic dental work was so good? Who knew that mammoths were used to build the pyramids? Who knew that the Pharaoh came from Atlantis or outer space or something similar? Who know that I would manage to sit through all of this stuff and actually kind of enjoy it?

I can hardly wait for 2012.

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