Twilight1DiscEditionDVD12893_fOK, the story so far: I have studiously avoided the whole Twilight thing in both book and movie form. Silvery Dude challenged me (as described here) to watch the thing; I put it to the blogosphere test and the outcome was (sadly) that I should. And so I did, and here’s what I thought….

So what you need to know is that I watched this on my laptop on holiday in our hotel room on a rainy Friday afternoon through headphones because the Book God was having a nap. This was possibly a mistake because, according to my notes (and so help me I did take notes in nerdy-pretending-I’m-a-proper-film-reviewer-kind-of-way) I started giggling after about 10 minutes (first scene in biology class) and had to suppress them so as not to wake the BG. This continued for almost two hours. I developed a headache as a result.

This will be a  bit spoilertastic, but seriously, how have you managed to avoid any of this until now?

In terms of the plot, speaking as one who has never read and has no intention of ever reading any of the books (as mentioned before), if I understand things correctly Bella moves to Forks to live with her Chief-of-Police-Dad (liked him a lot) so her Mum can travel with baseball-playing-nice-stepdad, is clearly wonderful in an awkward kind of way as several of the boys hit on her within about 5 minutes, catches Edward’s eye across a crowded classroom, love at first sight, thinks he dislikes her, he saves her life in an OMG-what-just-happened moment, she does research and works out that he’s a vampire, discovers that he is as much in love with her as she with him, they go public, other vampire nasties get involved, they go on the run, big fight ensues, this should not end well but does more or less, sequel inevitable as relationship not properly resolved.

I think.

Oh and there’s a nice Native American boy who is probably a wolf. Cue potential supernatural-love-triangle-face-off. Probably.

Stand-out moments:

  • trailer for New Moon – I haven’t even watched the first one and I’m being bombarded with stuff about the second
  • “shiny new toy”
  • “Your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash”
  • “How long have you been 17?” “A while”
  • “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you any more”
  • “I like watching you sleep”
  • Leaping through the trees!
  • Baseball in thunderstorm!
  • The Prom!!

The Verdict = this is awesome, but not in the way intended.

It is in fact one of the funniest things I have ever seen while at the same time being total and utter tosh. I thought at one point that I just couldn’t take any more, but then the whole thing with James the “I will hunt down Bella cos I can and it will really make Edward angry” vampire started and I had to stay with it just to see the fight in the ballet studio bit.

And then how they were going to explain Bella’s injuries.

And then the Prom.

And would he turn her into a vampire like she really, really wanted him to? (Clue = three films to go, what do you think?)

There is so much brooding, teen angst, hormones flooding out of the screen and seriously stalkerish behaviour that I couldn’t buy this as a swooshing YA romance. It’s a grown woman’s fantasy with a built-in undeath wish. In other hands that may not have been a bad thing…..

But I so, so loved the sparkling! Sparkly vampires, my new favourite thing.

And on one thing I have changed my mind; I can now see why people think Robert Pattinson is cute…..

Oh dear.

I am going to do two things:

  1. make the Book God watch it so he too can revel in its glorious awfulness and I will no longer be alone with this knowledge
  2. dare Silvery Dude to watch the sequel with me with the aim of converting him to my way of thinking

So there may be more to follow…..